Being an
Autistic Christian
In The
Thing About Apples, the main character, Ann White, is a teenaged girl with
undiagnosed Asperger’s Syndrome, an older name for a specific subset of the
autism spectrum. While attempting to deal with the many pitfalls of puberty
compounded by a mental disorder, she often finds refuge in her local church,
St. Dorothy’s. Though she is being raised in a family that has little respect
for faith or faith communities, Ann draws her strength through attending
services, participating in youth group, and prayer.
As an
autistic Catholic myself, I have had a very Ann-like response to my faith. This
surprised a lot of people. Other autistics often would berate me for ‘not being
logical’, or aligning myself with communities who had historically
marginalized, ignored or patronized people like us. People who had only ever
had experiences with autistic stereotypes would wonder why I wasn’t more
dedicated to science instead (as if the two are incompatible). Some of those
who were closest to me were confused on an emotional level. They had seen the
toll that being autistic in a world not meant for autistics had taken on my
body, my mind and my well-being. They’d seen the scars of automatic self-harm,
seen how people had taken advantage of and abused me for my peculiarities, and
witnessed the pain I suffered through doing seemingly mundane tasks. “If God
loved you,” they asked me, “Why would He make you this way?”
I won’t
pretend to understand the answer to that. And I won’t lie to you and say that I
haven’t had moments of deep, real anger about that exact question. But that’s
the great thing about my relationship with God—I get angry, I get honest about
it, and we hash it out in prayer. Because, above it all—God made me this way.
He “knitted me together in my mother’s womb” (Psalm 139:14). God gave me, in
this body and in this mind, to this world. And everything from God is a gift.
There’s a
lot of people in this world who don’t think that people like me, or like Ann,
should exist. Taking a utilitarian viewpoint on human dignity, those with
special needs are often pushed off as either burdens to bear or ‘blessings’ to
accept with a martyr’s heart. We are grouped together in light of our
disabilities, and categorized according to our ability to pass or behave as
neurotypicals do.
But my God,
and my faith, says otherwise. As a Child of God I am invited to see myself as a
daughter of God—purposefully, “fearfully and wonderfully made” (Psalm 139:15).
I am called into a deep relationship with an all-powerful Creator-in-Love who
chose to make me exactly as I am right here and now. That even I am a
member of the Body of Christ, in which the “parts of the body that seem to be
weaker are indispensable” (1 Corinthians 12:22). I may struggle often with what
being a disabled Christian means for how I see and accept God and his Church in
my life, but He has gifted me with a dignity that no man or institution can
take away. And that makes all the difference.
Author Bio:
Elizabeth Rose is the fiction alias of a twenty-something Colorado
native with a double major in Religious Studies and English. Till the Last Petal Falls, her first full-length
novel, was published in 2013. It is the beginning of the Once Upon a Reality
series. She has also had several short works published through eLectio
publishing, Hirschworth magazine and Crack the Spine.
