Sometime this coming year, my first Regency
novel will be released. Dangerous to Know is the first in a trilogy and
loosely based upon the disastrous marriage of Lord Byron to Annabella Milbanke.
I thought it might be fun for
the next month to discuss days leading up to their marriage and the ones that
followed it. The couple was married in January of 1815, and much of Lord and Lady Byron’s marriage was dramatic and
unhappy, a cautionary tale of why two such types should never marry.
(By Thomas Phillips - NPG, Public Domain, https://commons.wikimedia.org/w/index.php?curid=374342)
Annabella was devout in her faith and
sadly deluded in the notion that she could tame Byron’s dark, agnostic, and brooding
soul. Although there was a physical attraction on both sides, the unequal spiritual
state of the couple was profound. Their childhood experiences were
vastly different. Byron’s father was an abhorrent character who showed no real
affection for his wife or his child and abandoned them when Byron was just a little boy. Byron suffered physical and sexual
abuse at the hands of his nurse, and although well-born, his mother was a foul-mouthed glutton who
did nothing for Byron’s opinion of women. Annabella had grown up, sheltered, in a small coastal town. She was a deeply loved only child raised by parents who were thankful to have any offspring at all. In
short, these young people's very different expectations of marriage and love were completely lost in a
world where social status and financial viability were revered above the importance of compatible temperaments.
(By Creator: Charles Hayter - National Portrait Gallery, Public Domain, https://commons.wikimedia.org/w/index.php?curid=5086529)
It should also be mentioned that Lord
Byron was unnaturally attached to his half-sister, Augusta Leigh, and most
scholars agree that the pair were involved in a scandalous union. This was most
likely part of the reason why Byron moved slowly toward his marriage
ceremony, several days’ travel north in the county of Durham.
“Never was a lover in less haste,” said
his friend John Hobhouse, who traveled north with him. In fact, the Milbankes
had expected Byron by Christmas, and when he finally arrived several days later
on December 30th, Lady Milbanke was so distraught that she promptly
took to her bed chambers. Assumedly, she thought her future
son-in-law’s delay signaled that her daughter might be spared the dubious
nuptials.
Annabella had so anxiously
awaited her beloved’s arrival that when she saw him, she threw her arms around him and sobbed. While looking on, John Hobhouse could only conclude
that Annabella was “fond” of her betrothed as she gazed “with delight upon his
animated bust.”
In the next few days, one last ditch
effort was made to end the engagement. Apparently at Byron’s request, Hobhouse
pulled aside the clergyman set to marry them and begged that he might call it off on the grounds that the Milbanke’s didn’t really understand they were
marrying their daughter to a man who harbored the potential for violence. The
attempt did not work, and the clergyman said it was too late for such words. In
fact, Byron had tried to wriggle out of the engagement before, but now as the
day and hour approached, it would seem his apprehension grew into a near panic.
When it seemed the efforts were hopeless, however, Byron apparently resigned
himself.
He shared one last evening alone with
his friend Hobhouse, stating the obvious in the most morose language: “This is
our last night. Tomorrow I shall be Annabella’s.”
The next day would mark the beginning
of Byron’s and Annabella’s marital nightmare.
To be continued…
Source:
MacCarthy, Fiona. Byron: Life and Legend. Farar, Straus and Giroux. New York: 2002
Gosh it does sound like a nightmare! How sad that the clergyman encouraged the union rather than dig deeper into why it wanted to be called off. I await further details!
ReplyDeletebetty
Yes, it seems that marriages were so much about "making a good match" (which was really about status and finances and familial connections) rather than love or potential happiness, that most ceremonies went forward regardless. It was very difficult and scandalous to "cry off" and not go through with it.
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